My Colonic

I've always wondered what it must feel like to get warm and cold water hooshed into your bowel in an effort to take the 20 year old poo outta your body.  Really?!  Eh ok so it's not something I EVER thought about but when a Dealrush offer came into my email box I snapped it up.  It usually costs a gajillion euro but for 40 blips it was mine.  So today was the day I had booked.  They tell you to incorporate flaxseed and Linseed into your diet in the days leading up to it but feck that for a game of soldiers.  It tasted like I emptied the contents of my daughters pencil parer into my cornflakes!  Gickna! 

So on arrival to the clinic....I say clinic but it was a two up to down house with a gold placque on the wall bearing it's name....I was greeted by a super friendly girl.  Y'know the type, earth mothery, healthy looking, kept calling me after animals, i.e. chicken and lamb.   She was so welcoming and matter of fact I couldn't help but feel more relaxed.  After a short survey she had a look at a sample diet sheet that I gave her and was able to tell me what my symptoms where before I told her a thing.  Impressive! 

So then it was down to business.  It's all done very matter of factly and without a hint of the scarlification that's about to come (in my mind anyway).  She firstly had to ahem, insert a finger into the back passage to make sure you're not cut or have grapes (piles) that need to be treated before she can start the treatment.  SCARLET!!!!  I was hoping she'd find something that meant I couldn't get it done to be honest cos I was starting to get a bit scared of the whole procedure but no such luck. We were good to go and before you knew it, the pipe was up.  This bit didn't hurt.  It was a bit uncomfortable until you got used to it but after that it was fine.  How colonics work is that they fill your bowel will warm water until you feel like you need to go and then they flush it out and that's when all the waste flows out.  She then flushes you out with cold water which was a tad bit more uncomfortable as you could feel it more.  You can physically see your tummy swelling when she is flushing the water in.  It's mental!  She also needed to massage my tummy to help the "more clingy feckers" find their way!  She encourages you to watch what is coming out of your body as it's "psychologically pleasing".  I actually agree.  I swear to God though the amount of gack was astonishing.  She assured me it was normal though.  MORTO!!  When she's finished you then give a little cough and out comes the pipe.  Easy peasy!  She encouraged me to visit the bathroom in case I might feel the need but I was quite sure I was done.  Again, SCARLET!!

The treatment finishes with the obligatory after care and a questions and answers session with regard to foods to avoid to help your particular complaint.  She kept stressing that it was a mahoosive detox I just had and to respect my body afterwards.  Hmmmmmmm right!

This treatment is no Yonka Facial lemme tell ya.  It's definitely uncomfortable at the beginning.  At one stage I had hot flushes and was feeling very queasy but once I got into the rythm of the treatment it was tolerable.  Contrary to what I thought, I don't feel in any way different.  My tummy is making the weirdest of noises and I have a few crampy spasms more than I normally would have.  She did tell me that a course of 4 is recommended (of course it bloody is) for optimum results but at 110 blips a go, not a chance!  Whereas I'm glad I tried it I wouldn't be in a rush to do it again if I'm honest.  Of course I expected having "evactuated"  as much as I did, I'd hop on the scales and be down stones.  Haaaaardly!!
I would say defo do it once to see if it's for you but make sure you go to a registered and experienced practitioner.  I'm off to wreck my detox buzz now.....chin chin! :-)